We Need A New Job Title: Pompous Outrage Professional – POP

The way anger and outrage are in vogue today, there’s a definite need for professionals to enter the arena. Why at the drop of a hat, or even before the hat hits the ground, somebody’s outraged about it. Anger mongers. They perpetuate and spread anger wherever they go.

But for the average person, why go through all the bother. Hire somebody to do it for you. With all the actors out of work, it shouldn’t be difficult to find a Pompous Outrage Professional (here after referred to as POP). It shouldn’t even be that expensive.

This is the way it would work. Somebody insults my daughter, or I think they did and I know in today’s climate, I should become outraged. But do I really want to expend all that energy? Probably not. So, I do a Google search for a POP. I want them to stand on my porch and spew forth outrage in such a manner that my entire neighborhood is upset by it. They should pace back and forth with arms waiving and screech, “What she said was an outrage.” I’d also want them to walk down my front steps, then mutter and stamp their feet at the curb. Meanwhile, I’d settle in with a glass of wine and read a good crime fiction novel.

I’d negotiate the price and probably ask for an hour of outrage. I don’t think I could take much more than that and after an hour my neighbors might lynch me. But this is the season for it. At Christmas people of all ilks and religions tend to get excited by “the spirit” of the holiday and they tend to feel good. That’s why so many killjoys are determined to spew forth outrage. “Take that nativity scene down.”

And it’s not really about religions or even Christianity. They don’t object to Good Friday.  They don’t yell, “Take that man down from the cross immediately!” No, that type of torture sits well with them,  kinda fits their mood. But Christmas is about cheer, and happiness, and good will, and joy. These anger mongers can’t have that. Not for a minute.

They’re also not very good about jokes or casual remarks. They don’t have a good sense of humor. Probably don’t have a sense of humor at all. Don Rickles is lucky he isn’t pursuing his career today. He’d be in the poor house or embroiled in law suits.

I’m really bad about political correctness. By and large, I think it’s silly. Maybe I need to hire a POP to follow me around and be outraged at the things I say on a steady basis. Now, that’s a thought. An outrageous one, but still a thought.